How can i ditch a friend

If they do these things routinely and blame it all on you when you try to address it, it's probably time to return their friendship card. If you have that one friend who always FaceTimes you late at night even when you've told them you're going to bed, they might not be respecting your boundaries. You may have to take the leap of communicating your boundaries to your friends first and enforcing them.

Being that emotionally exposed can be terrifying, but you need to tell your buddy that even though you normally love hugs and physical affection, you don't like to be touched when you're crying. Sure, they should probably ask first and touch later, but communication goes both ways. Oh, and I need to leave early. Is that cool, too?

I'm not talking about the friend who lives with chronic pain and sometimes needs to change plans because they're having a flare-up.

I'm talking about the friend who is always three hours late without texting or offering an apology, or the friend who constantly leaves you hanging without confirming or cancelling plans, leaving you in a perpetual state of limbo as to what the deal is. You don't have to play that limbo game, because you really can set the bar higher. Your friends will call you out when you're making mistakes, but there's a big difference between how you feel when your bestie is giving you solid advice even if it's tough to swallow , and how you feel when a pal is judging you and your dreams.

Reality checks are often needed, but when the response to your big dream is "ew, why would you want to do that? Your pal might be telling you things with grains of truth, but that's never the full picture. You deserve someone who's nicer about it when they think there's a tough truth you have to confront. It takes them an hour and a half of talking about me, myself, and I to finally ask how you are.

You really do want to hear about their job, but you just wish they'd give you the same emotional space in return. A friendship is supposed to be a two-way street, after all. If you've tried explaining to them that you need more attention in the relationship and they haven't changed their behavior even if they apologized and said they heard you , they might just be waving ye old red flag. Maybe they're in between datefriends, or they're in town and need a place to crash, even though they haven't answered your texts in months.

If you feel like they're not exactly using you , but they're only a strong presence in your life when they don't really have anything else going on, it's reasonable to start to wonder if you need them in your life at all. You're stoked to introduce your inner circle to your new girlfriend, but they say you're just "going through a phase.

The research on friendship is rife with words like "reciprocal," "mutual," and "shared," and if none of those come to mind when you think about a particular friendship, it might be time to back away. Indeed, all those graduation night songs about "I'll be on your side forevermore" and "I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on," while cheesy, are about more than swaying with arms around each other's shoulders. Good friendships represent an equilibrium of mutual support.

Even dissimilarities between good friends manage to balance each other out. Of course, over time the balance will shift back and forth — you will inevitably have a major life crisis at the same time your friend gets a promotion, but good friends are there to share in your successes and your struggles. You don't have to link arms and sing, but you should feel sure than in your friendship, winter, spring, summer, or fall, all you have to do is call.

Let's end with the big one. You're not the same everywhere you go — you behave differently at a job interview or visiting grandma than when hanging out with your friends, but if you feel pulled to change or hide who you are, or you feel ashamed after hanging out with your friend, it may be time to try on other friendships. To wrap up, decades of research and millennia of common sense tell us that connecting with true friends is one of the best things we can do for our health and happiness.

Breaking up with less-than-true friends is a tough decision. Indeed, there must have been a time when you were good friends to each other, or you wouldn't be in struggling with the question to begin with. Now, friends will come and go from your life. Some will be context-dependent, like a work friend or a school friend. These are all fine. Not every friend needs to be a Golden Girls-style pal and confidante.

But real friends shouldn't hurt, manipulate, or use you, or pressure you to be someone you're not. A true friend inspires you to be better, happier, healthier, and more "yourself. For you. World globe An icon of the world globe, indicating different international options.

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It often indicates a user profile. Log out. US Markets Loading H M S In the news. Ellen Hendriksen , Quick and Dirty Tips. Ending a friendship is a challenging decision, and one where the reasons aren't always clear-cut. Even if you've been friends with someone for a long time, people can grow apart or no longer put equal effort and care into the relationship. If you can't count on them, or feel like you're doing all the work to maintain the friendship, it's okay to go with your gut and cut it off.

Friendship should make you a better version of yourself — not bring you down. Breaking up a toxic friendship is something you have to do for yourself. Sometimes, we need professional help to deal with the effects of ending a relationship. You could visit your school or uni counsellor to begin with. Check out our getting help section for more information on who can help. If you can see no way forward, here are some ways you might consider ending a toxic friendship. If you used to text three times a week, bring it down to twice a week, and then once a week.

Officially end the friendship This method involves sitting down with the person and letting them know that the friendship is over.